Sick/Vacation Time

I'm sick... and I'm at work right now.
sore throat, runny nose, fever... it better not be that H1N1 thing...
maybe it's just from wearing my body down and the sore throat is from purging... that's entirely possible too.

My ex is looking after my son this week. The daycare is closed for their annual vacation/shutdown and we had to figure out childcare arrangements. I'm a little worried because he's going to be unemployed as of next week, when his contract is over. The economy is not good for job-seekers right now so I'm crossing his fingers that he finds something because I can't take on any more responsibility than I already have for daycare payments, etc. for Zach. With IP looming ahead, I'm saving all my sick time and vacation time for then. So, in the meantime I'm torturing myself here, freezing at my desk, sniffling and coughing away and trying to get through the mountain of accounting reports from the weekend. Hey, at least i'm being productive!

It seems like everything and everyone is turning against me. To minimize using sick/vacation time, I used to be allowed to combine my lunch break and 2 coffee breaks (1.5 hrs) and leave work early for my appointments but now our union is cracking down on all of that. They're still willing to be flexible and let me make up the time instead of taking sick/vacation but I will have to start early and/or stay late instead of using my lunch. I know I shouldn't take it personally but this is just one more stress that I don't need to deal with right now. My supervisor was very apologetic and kind about it but I still felt like I had been reprimanded. I left her office wanting to cry. Wanting to just get away from everything, curl up in a hole and disappear. I'm so sensitive these days, it feels like my nerves are exposed and even the lightest touch is too painful. Things that don't bother others get under my skin to make me feel like crap. I totally need some training in mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation. I already feel dead inside, now it just has to be reflected on the outside.