Fertility Clinic

I went for a first consultation at a Fertility Clinic. We have been TTC since April 2012 with no success. The clinic ordered bloodwork and an HSG test (eek!) They weren't too concerned since I'm young (28) and have had a child before. Well, we will see!

Unsure about Kids

The more time that elapses, the more I wonder whether I really want kids or not. It is just so much work. So tiring. Getting an uninterrupted night’s sleep becomes a luxury and your entire life gets consumed with baby. I did it alone last time since my ex and I broke up when my son was 4 months. Luckily I had the help of my parents or I would have never been able to finish university. I have always been ambitious and career oriented. I have never wanted to be a stay at home mom – it would drive me stir crazy! I cannot see myself giving up my education and being solely devoted to my kids. I admire those who do it, but I get too much fulfilment from working. My husband wants kids so badly. He said that having kids is more important than his career at this point. When we first got together he was vague and undecided about wanting kids. I always thought after I had my son, that I wouldn’t have any more kids. It was like I’d checked that off my list. Have a kid. CHECK! And I didn’t have a huge desire to do it again. I feel so torn. I want to please him and to have a child out of curiosity for what our genes combined will create and as a representation of our love – but I am almost phobic of losing myself into the void of motherhood that I see so many women go down. I don’t want to be defined by being a mother and only a mother. I don’t want to lose myself – the self that I’ve fought so hard to find through the years and layers of ED. I do NOT want the majority of the responsibility to fall on me. I need an equal partner and I’m just so scared that by virtue of being a woman, it will end up falling on me sooner or later.

Thoughts on having another child

We have been trying to conceive since April 2012. To tell the truth, the main reason we started ttc was not exactly for the right reason. I contemplated having another kid but was not dead set on it (my son from a prev relationship will be 6 in Feb/13). We only really started trying and I went off birth control because our lawyer suggested that it would help our relocation case/ custody case if I got pregnant. But the longer we tried, the more sure my husband has become that he really really really wants kids. Me being obsessive by nature, I began charting my basal body temperature on fertilityfriend.com right away. 9 months later, we are STILL NOT PREGNANT! I am shocked because with my son, I got pregnant by accident, while taking birth control. I was 21 when I got pregnant. I know a lot of eating disorder stuff has happened in the last 5 years, but could that really be enough to make conceiving this difficult? I didn’t have my period for 3+ years and just got it back within the last year. I’ve been told by so many people that the moment we stop trying, that is when it will happen, but I don’t know how to “stop trying” or to forget about trying.