Fighting the Urges

I feel nauseous...
I think it's from not eating. Ever since the possible cardiac/angina/heart attack thing I haven't purged. That makes 3 whole days (it will be 4 if I get through tonight without giving in). The only thing is I feel so sick to my stomach. I've only eaten 2 hard candies today and nothing else. I'm too afraid to trigger a binge-purge session. However, the nausea is not helping. My train of thought is: if I am going to throw up, I might as well milk it for what it's worth and eat a ton of junk food like all the stuff my parents just stocked up our pantry with. Oh god, I can picture the cupboards full of stuff right now: Peak Freans cream filled cookies, white bread that I can toast and slather with butter and dust with sugar, instant ramen tnoodles, froot loops with milk, freshly baked banana bread, the list goes on. What the hell am I going to do to distract myself? Maybe I should take a sleeping pill and go to bed before I get myself into trouble.

I know I should eat something, even a salad, but that seems to substantial. I feel pure now, having subsisted on barely anything the past 3-4 days. I feel etherial, like I'm floating on air, slightly lightheaded, a bit detached from the world. I am afraid. I want to eat but I can't.

Good news: Edema has gone down a lot!