Goodbye NG?

Today I might get to say goodbye to my NG tube! All I have to do is successfully complete my meal plan with minimal problems to show that I don't need to be tubed anymore. Although, I don't find it uncomfortable and it doesn't hurt my sinuses like it does some people. Sadly, they've had to insert the tube so many times on me that it's become second nature and I don't gag or even need to drink water in order to swallow the tube. The most exciting part about the farewell to my tube is that without the NG the nurses will not have to wake me up in the middle of the night to flush it and add more nutrition supplement to the bag and check that it's working properly (ie. I haven't tampered with it). A night of interrupted sleep will be sooooo nice.

Another positive thing: Yesterday I got my first pass which let me leave the ward for 1/2 hour! It was the fastest 1/2 hour of my life. I had a smoke, rushed to get a real caffeinated coffee, walked to the closest store to get some contraband AKA candy! (I'm such a candy-addict. It's the only calories I let myself have pretty much 95% guilt free). LOL I had to stash the candy in my pockets and in my bra since they check all your bags when you come back onto the unit. I felt so free. It's amazing the things you take for granted when you have them. A simple thing like going out for a coffee or walking on the sidewalk. Those little things are so wonderful to experience when you haven't had a chance to experience them being cooped up in a hospital. Quite a few people were looking at me as I rushed about on the street - I had the IV pole and the tube up my nose - but ya know what? I didn't care. I got my 1/2 hour of freedom and that's all that I cared about at that point. Let em stare!

It's the weekend, which means everything moves slower and the days drag on a bit longer since there's less staff around and less organized activities. My mom, dad, sis and son are coming to visit at 3pm today. I'm excited to see them but also exhausted at the thought of company. I still feel very much like isolating myself and like being around other people is too much work. I wonder when that feeling will go away. My mom is starting to pressure me and saying things like, "well, you're not getting any younger, you're wasting your beauty and youth, you're not married yet" blah blah blah. thanks for the guilt trip mom. I already KNOW that I'm behind others in terms of relationships and marriage and all that stuff, but right now i cannot handle any of that. I'm just being honest with myself and I totally do not need that added stress. I wish I could tell her to mind her own business. This is my life and I'll do all that stuff when I'm ready... or not...