NEDA Necklace

I'm wearing my new NEDA necklace which was a birthday present from my mom. It's the NEDA logo sculpted as a silver pendant on a silver chain. I love it. The pendant has a nice matte finish and while it holds significance for me it doesn't obviously scream Eating Disorder unless people are familiar with the logo. I look kinda alien-like in the picture on the right, but it's probably the angle lol.

I think it looks kinda heart-like. I bought it from This Website that's a great resource and also sells ED books, info, etc.

I saw my regular T today, Barbara. It was weird going back after not seeing her for 1 month and seeing a new T in the meantime. I felt a little like I had betrayed her by seeing someone new, so that was a little awkward on my part, but as soon as I got over that bit we had a good session. She emailed me yesterday in the nicest way possible to remind me of our appointment and she wrote: "I don't know how (whether!?!) your brain is functioning properly these days so I wanted to remind you of our appointment tomorrow." That made me wonder how other people perceive me. Am I obviously cognitively slower? Do people feel they need to handle me with care or treat me differently than before? I have always wished I could step outside myself for a day and see myself from the outside to see what others see or the image that I put across. If I had 3 wishes, I'd use that as one of my wishes.

My T is getting quite antsy about me getting into IP. She's worried that I'll chicken out and not go and warned me of the possibility that as much as they want people to go IP by choice, they could MAKE me go if they feel I'm not mentally competent enough to decide for myself. OMG - not mentally competent!? WTF!? I am totally competent. I'm smart, I go to work every day, I do my job, I function in society... how the hell can she say that? That's the hugest insult I've heard.

She used to see a healthy side warring against an unhealthy side - huge raging battle inside me - but now she doesn't see the healthy side at all. It's all ED now. Funny how people with eating disorders try to be different and to stand out by their thinness and yet the ED takes away your personality and makes you just like everyone else with an ED - obsessed with weight/shape/food/recipes/exercise etc. It doesn't make you unique at all. Quite the opposite.

Here's a song from the 90's that I heard on the radio. It struck a chord with me and brought me back several years:

"Youve got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin your worries pass you by
Dont you think its worth your time
To change your mind?"
-Hold On, Wilson Phillips