I took Seroquil (anti-anxiety/sleeping pill) for the first time last night at 8PM. It knocked me right out. I woke up this morning to my alarm at 7AM after 11 hours of sleep! My side lamp was still on and I had a book in my hand so I must have just fallen asleep so quickly I didn't get a chance to turn the light off or close my book. It was a really creepy feeling being so sedated like that. Even after all that sleep I still felt groggy. My plan is to chemically stop b/p-ing by taking these sleeping pills. Nighttime is my "witching hour" and when I do most of my b/p-ing, so my theory is that if I take a pill, I will fall asleep therefore making it physically impossible for me to engage in such behaviors.
I must say, it worked last night! The other part of me says, that's CHEATING! That's not recovery, that's not taking a step in the right direction, it's just drugging yourself. I am really not sure if this is the right thing to do but I've tried to stop by my own willpower and it hasn't worked. The edema is going out of control. It feels like the skin around my feet is going to split. Something needs to change so maybe sleeping meds are my answer.
Hrm. I do know that sleep aids can be addicting, so it's possible that you are "cheating" and replacing one dependency for another... but it also seems plausible that you'll be able to retrain yourself over time. At the very least, it has to be better to try *something* than nothing. I wish I knew how to help you, T. I also wish I could smack you upside the head and tell you how important you are even WITHOUT being sick! But unfortunately I'm too far away, so you're spared. :)
ReplyDeleteSeroquel's not addictive. I think anything you do to break the cycle is beneficial. It's not cheating, it's using a useful tool.
ReplyDeletePretty sure I'm gonna side with everyone who says taking a sleeping pill to stop purging is good. I used to sit and chain smoke every time I felt like purging and I found that really helpful... calming or something. Anyway, even if it's the lesser of two evils, it's worth it. I have a feeling that after you've stopped for a long enough time, your body won't feel the need to purge and you will be mentally stronger as well. Then someday you can stop taking the sleeping pill. For now, I think it sounds like a damn good idea.
ReplyDeleteSeroquel is zombie-fying...i was on 400mg a night for a very long time....but it kept me out of trouble.
ReplyDeleteTrading one coping mechanism for another is not the long term goal, but for short term i think it's completely acceptable until you can do the theraputic work you need to.
I take seroquel too. I have the opposite problem though, I take 800mg at night and I still can't sleep. The good thing about seroquel is that it's not addictive. I have been taking different doses at different times for the last 5 years and I find it really helpful. I am not doped out at all, but I know some people can't function on 25mg. I guess though I am a little different. I take 800mg to stop me being manic but I also take 25-50mg for anxiety and they both help. Good luck with it!
ReplyDeletehey!
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jenna