I am so nervous about my doctor's appointment tomorrow at the hospital. I don't want to eat anything, I am freaking out about what might be said tomorrow.
I'm afraid that since I haven't lost much weight since the last appointment that they'll say I'm healthy enough and I won't get the support that I need. I know this is pretty irrational because nothing has changed since last time when I saw the doctor and when they wanted me to IP... but because I'm stable, ie. not WORSE, I feel like they might think I'm OK when I know that I do need the support.
On one hand I don't want to go IP but on the other hand I know that I need to because nothing is getting better on its own and even if I try to be healthier it's too difficult without round the clock help and people to talk to and people to physically keep me company so I don't "engage in unhealthy behaviors" (lol) to use their words.
There's a little voice in my head saying to take laxatives/diuretics/not eat anything to fuck up my body a lot before the appointment to prove that I'm still worth being helped.
*sigh* it's really sad but i know exactly what you're talking about. you're already in poor condition, you know that hun, and they know that. please please don't deliberately make it worse. and of course, you could TELL THEM your concerns. treatment isn't something they do to you, you need to be involved and advocate for your own needs. if you're not getting something you know you need, then speak up, woman!!!
ReplyDeletegood luck and let me know how it goes...
You *ARE* worthy of being helped. You always have been.
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