I'm semi-set to go into the hospital in a couple weeks from now. I tried to push it as far back as I could. My birthday is July 21 and I really don't want to be stuck in there over my birthday, but I think the timing would suck no matter WHEN it happens, so... meh.
This time I won't be certified, so I will have a little more say in treatment, whatever that means. I'm terrified that I will be the fattest person there. I'm convinced of it. Here's just another reason why I love my therapist:
I went into my appointment dead set on refusing IP but over the course of our 1 hour session my T said something that opened my eyes and managed to turn my mind around. A life lesson she has learned personally is that when an opportunity presents itself, you should take it and not say "I'll do it later" because "Later" the circumstances might be different and you wouldn't want to look back and regret not doing it X months ago. It kind of goes hand in hand with my decision making question I ask myself: Which option would I regret more? Not going or going? I think the likelihood of me regretting going are slimmer than if I didn't give myself this chance.
I just wish I weren't so fucking fat. I don't want the skinny minny's and nurses to look at me and wonder what such a fat cow is doing in the hospital.
The nurses won't think you're a cow, they'll think Whew! This one has a chance. Maybe we got her in time. The skeletons will think, aaaah, maybe I'll look like that instead of HALF DEAD when I'm better.
ReplyDeleteGET TREATMENT. It's the right decision.
dood, you don't need to lose any more weight. I have a feeling you will never feel "thin enough" for treatment.
ReplyDeleteI say, go sooner rather than later and try to get all you can out of it. You deserve a chance!
you deserve this Tia.. go girl!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteeveryone is different and even if you are "bigger" than the other girls, it doesn't make you any less sick than anyone in there..