It's such a catch 22. You have to get sicker to get treatment. then you get better a little and everybody leaves you. I swear, that's why I stay stuck. Because I'm afraid to lose all my support if I get any healthier.
I went to an ED support group last night run by my treatment centre. There were about 12 people there, but they ALL knew each other from previous groups. It was a little unnerving being the odd one out. At this treatment centre they do groups in cohorts, so you kinda stay with the same group of people for 3 consecutive sets of group sessions. I'm technically supposed to be done the 3 sets of sessions, but my T still thinks I need the support so she stuck me in this group, hence me being the odd one out.
I was surprised to see a girl from work in the group. I don't know her well and we've only ever really said HI/BYE to each other. She has B.E.D. so she is not super skinny, but the odd thing is that even though she doesn't look emaciated, there was something about her than made me wonder if she was ED'd or not, way back when I first met her 2 years ago. I have heard this kind of intuition referred to as the "eating disorder underground (EDU)". That happens so often to me that I meet someone and a passing thought crosses my mind, I wonder, 'do they have an ED?" and probably 99% of the time I find out later on that I was right.
What is it that makes me (and other ED sufferers) so intuitive about OTHER PEOPLE? I don't get it? Like I said, this girl wasn't super thin or obviously sick. Then all this gets me thinking, I wonder what others see when they see ME. Do they know? Do they wonder? Any theories or experiences you guys have had with this?
I think of it as being akin to "gay-dar." ;)
ReplyDeleteditto to vanessa.
ReplyDeleteand only at SPH do you have to get sicker to get better. i swear. always keep in mind they treat the sickest of the sick of the PROVINCE and sometimes out of province (why? i wouldn't come to BC for ED treatment) and can only offer so many services.
i'm getting better to get better! as i improve my hospitalizations may become more frequent because it's to stop me from falling flat on my face. the city doesn't offer that.
keep trying, hun, that's the best you can do.
Even my boyfriend has picked up on the whole ED vibe and can pick people out of a crowd, even if they aren't emaciated. He claims it's the way we carry ourselves, a certain look in our eyes. I can't put my finger on it, but I definitely get a vibe as well.
ReplyDeleteI think once we have the disease, it's kind of obvious to us that other people have it because we know what it's like. Like i didn't know if my friend had an ED and i didn't even know the word back then but she was really skinny and seeing a nutritonist. Now i can really put the pieces together and see that she probably did have one.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's really the opposite, the more you get better, the more everyone does care. Because when you're deep in ED, no one knows what to do and you kind of isolate yourself without realizing it.
I hate that when you are better everything is okay and now that your body is normal you SHOULD be normal right? It's such a frustrating place to be.
ReplyDeletetakes one to know one, i guess. it's the same thing with AA - i just know when people have drinking problems or are in AA- so between that and the ED i know more than i should about most people ;-)
ReplyDeleteLuxelady/Jen
hey tia, i'm not actually 'with' J. he's an ex and we're just friend again. but he's an amazing support. i'm pretty sure i'm not ready for a full on relationship. not yeet. not even as wonderful as he is.
ReplyDelete