I just got back from a nutritionist/dr appointment. I am so freaking MAD at them. I hate how they assume things and tell me things about myself that I don't think are true. When I voice my opinion/experience, they tell me that it's the ED distorting things and basically invalidate my own point of view. I thought they were supposed to support me and help me to see things "right" instead of just telling me how things are and aren't. They say they can see that the Prozac isn't helping and they should up the dosage but *I* have noticed a slight change. It's tough enough for me to motivate myself to take the damn pills in the first place and now they want to push me to take MORE! What about what *I* want!? I'm not certified, I'm not medically at the point where I can't make decisions for myself yet it feels exactly that way. Whatever happened to empowering the patient or at least working collaboratively.
I'm probably overreacting and being a baby, but I was so close to bursting into tears of frustration. Decisions and opinions always being thrown around regarding ME when I'm an adult. I should have a say dammit! I try to move forward and it sucks when it seems like it's not fast enough progress, as though everything I have done so far is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Maybe it's just me, period, that isn't good enough. No pats on the back, no thumbs up, just more pushing and pressuring from them.
I think that sucks. It sounds to me like you are seeing improvements in some areas, and maybe other things are staying the same. That's probably what you should see. I'm pretty sure we're both on the same page when it comes to not really wanting to take antidepressants -- I totally understand why you would be hesitant to take them in the first place. Years ago, I too was convinced to try them and, in my case, I reacted very poorly a.k.a. got way more depressed, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat anything at all, and so on. They said that I was experiencing the same side effects that some children experience and I was supposed to be weaned off of them. Well, FYI, don't just stop taking them because that was what I did (disobeyed the doctors) and it was hell. Soo, anyway, in your situation it sounds like things are slowly improving and I think they should let you have some more time to see if things continue to improve (I mean, seriously, these drugs aren't supposed to start working right away and some people experience results sooner than others). However, my guess is that they are seeing that you tolerate them well and thus they want to up the dosage so that you can start improving sooner. I think that there is some good in either approach. With your approach, keeping your dose the same, you may find that you don't need a higher dose to improve and feel better. With their approach, you might not have to wait to see bigger results and you might see instant improvements in more areas of your life. I actually had one friend also on prozac who kept having her dose raised for a couple of months because she was tolerating it. She saw improvements too, but they kept raising her dose anyway (she didn't mind this I guess) and it worked really well for her. I think she stayed on it for about a year and after that she didn't need it anymore. I never took prozac (zoloft was the one I had), but they raised my dose (despite all the bad side effects, because they said those were temporary) and I do recall pretty much losing the ability to purge. It was like the reflex was gone entirely. I can't say for sure it was the drug because I had such little appetite that on the rare occasion that I did eat, it's possible I was just too weak to purge. However, I remember thinking that it was the drug, and that might be a desirable side effect for you if you do let them raise the dose. I have a feeling that they generally raise the doses of these drugs with time for anyone who takes them, it just frustrates me that they don't tell you that and leave you thinking that they're deeming you incapable of decision making -- which isn't true at all. I mean, seriously, your writing here is perfectly coherent and you hold a job, so there is no way you can't think and make reasonable decisions. Don't let them get to you and just try to accept that they want to help you and are probably basing these decisions on what they see in their patient population and not just you. ((hugs))
ReplyDeletePS> I started one of these accounts at Blogger and I'm super slow in learning how this all works... so that's me above/below, lol
ReplyDeleteI know you won't like hearing this and I don't know you well, but just keep in mind that your thoughts, perception, emotions... all is wrapped up in your ED. You're so deep in it, of course you're not going to see their perspective. You don't have to, but don't completely shrug it off because chances are they are most likely right. Or partly right. ;P
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