Some how I have managed to make it 5 days purge free.
My stomach feels like a rock. It's bloated and distended and my digestive system is turning itself in knots. Edema is back in my calves but not as bad as before. I'm so determined to ride out this water retention nightmare and not let it push me back into the purging cycle.
I feel like my treatment team is mad at me because I declined the out patient 2x per week tube feeds. The attitude I seem to be getting is that they are giving up on me because I'm not "willing to help [my]self". I don't see it like that though. To me, tube feeding is totally artificial and not helpful at all. I need to learn how to be mentally OK with recovery/weight gain, etc. not just depend on a tube. Just when I need them more than ever, they are pushing me away...
I think the above post says what I wanted to say really well. :)
ReplyDeleteAgrees with first poster. They have to keep you alive first and worry about you being okay with eating and weight gain after you're stable.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the 5 days. Keep going!!!
I think it's great that you've been able to quit for five days!!! I don't think I'd want tube feeding either... I agree with the people above that they probably don't understand the way you're looking at this situation and want to do things the medical way. Maybe you can prove to them that you don't need tube feeding and can improve without it. Five days is a HUGE accomplishment though and I'm soo proud of you :)
ReplyDeleteYay! 5 DAYS! That's a massive accomplishment!
ReplyDeleteLike the other posters have said, their main objective is to keep you alive. Refusing the tube feeding says to them that you're giving up and you don't want to live anymore. You really need to tell them how you feel about getting your head right with eating and weight gain. They can't just ignore you and perhaps it'll put things into perspective for them. Maybe they'll know more about how they can help you if you just share with them!
Take care <3