I am at a loss as to what to do.
It's so tiring to keep fighting ed all day long and at night go on auto-pilot and screw up any small successes i might have had during the day.
the past month i have not been updating here because all i have to show for the past time is a string of failures.
I have resigned myself (temporarily I hope) to the fact that ed rules. After IP I fought hard. Really, truly hard. I hung onto drinking Boost daily for a good long time. And then it eroded away little by little and as my body lost strength, so did my ability to fight for health.
The rest of my life has been going downhill too: restructuring at work, custody stuff, housing stuff, friendships and relationships. I have very little going for me right now. At least work, my job, used to keep me going and keep me motivated. However, now nothing seems to be able to penetrate my numbness.
ED doesn't rule. You can say bye. YOu can do this, youre stronger than you thing. YOU CAN DO THIS. Please believe in yourself. PLEASE. hang in there. I know it's easier said than done... but you CAN do this.
ReplyDeletexoxo
-Lisa
Perhaps you can use this time to go into residential and finally be free of your eating disorder. You can't continue this way, and I know you know that.
ReplyDeleteLisa is right. Your eating disorder doesn't have to rule. You can let go of it-but you need the right treatment t help you do that.
You can overcome it and have a good life. I believe in you.
{{{Hugs}}}
Angela
((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI am sooo sorry to hear that you're going through a rough patch -- but, remember, it is just that: a rough patch. You are sooo strong. I cannot tell you enough times that you were always one of the biggest inspirations to me when I was struggling, recovering and trying to maintain recovery (basically throughout my whole ED). Even now, I can tell you won't give up because you, yourself, even write that you hope it is temporary. Even if the ED rules today, it doesn't have to tomorrow or everyday.
Also, I hope that things with custody, friends, family, etc will turn for the better soon -- the last thing you need is for something like that to make your life harder. You know you have all of your friends here and we all care about you and support your recovery!!!
I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. You deserve so much more out of life than the ED can give you and I know you can beat it!
~take care, xoxo
I'm not very familiar with how Canada's healthcare system works (insurance & stuff)... in the United States it's usually tied to employer. This can be good and it can be really bad. Anyhoozle, I took medical leave from work and got to keep my benefits. If your work isn't holding you down now, why not go residential now? What are you waiting for?
ReplyDeleteOh, I already know that Canada has "universal health care" or whatever it's called. I'm sounding really stupid. Sorry, brain is exhausted!
ReplyDeleteI just want to wish you a happy and joyful Easter!
ReplyDelete{{{Hugs}}}