Last Group Session

I have been attending an ED group of about 12-15 girls, all around my age. It is run by our community ED/mental health unit. On Thursday it was our last group session unto October. They want to give us a chance over the summer to work on what we've discussed as a group and grow individually. The timing sucks because my therapist will be on vacation for all of July, leaving me feeling extremely lost. Right at the time when I need support the most - everyone leaves.

My therapist, Barbara, is going to talk to the group therapist to see if she can provide support for me until after her vacation. It sounds like the group therapist is willing to see me on an individual basis so I don't feel like I'm floundering quite so much. She is a real sweetheart and I *know* that I could easily connect with her. I can tell that she's worried about me and she has offered me Boost drinks a few times and asked me if I'm OK to drive home.

I also hope that I can stay in touch with some of the girls. Of the 15, I have only really made friends with one. I find that as much as anorexics want to support each other's recovery, it's still a competition deep down inside. Helping someone else recover means that they gain weight and you don't and therefore you win. I know a girl from when I was on the ED Unit at Children's Hospital. Ever since she heard that IP is looming in my near future, she's been contacting me a lot wanting to know exactly when I'm going, etc. etc. I feel like she's pushing me to go because she cares but that there are also other (less-sincere) motives. I have found that bulimia is a more social disorder than anorexia. "mia-buddies" who go on junk food sprees, raid the grocery store and drive-thrus and binge and purge together. That's never been me but I can definitely see how it might be fun.

I wanted to have a baby girl so much when I was pregnant but now that I've had my son, I am more and more glad that I have a boy instead. With my eating is the way it is right now, I feel like a girl would be much more succeptible than a boy would to the negative influence. It breaks my heart when my son tries to feed me something he's eating. "Mommy eat please..." I hate saying no, I hate how terrible a person this makes me. My 2 year old tries to feed me. WTF is wrong with me...