I am in no man's land "between living and existing" (a line I stole from another blog). I thought time flies when you're having fun. Well, it's sure flying and I'm not having so much fun.
I live in the past. Always missing what was rather than appreciating what is. Until it's gone.
The biggest regret of all would be if I am stupid enough to miss out on my son's childhood because of this. He still adores me. I can do no wrong. I am MOMMY - his world. In his eyes I am not a chronic slave to ed. I am worth something to him. My heart will shatter to pieces the day he realizes that I am flawed.
I want to remember the way he glances over for my approval when he tries a new trick on the playground or just to check that I'm still there cheering him on. These days won't last forever. How can I be so stupid.
Hold tight to these feelings about Zach, they will help you on your path. xoxo
ReplyDeleteRemember that you have more power that the eating disorder . Hold onto whatever helps you stay in recovery . Know that , yes these days won't last forever but think of them as your eating disorder days instead . Hold strong , you can do this ! :)
ReplyDeleteNot stupid- sick. And your son will not think you are flawed. He's still at that age where you are his hero. And you'll be there watching his soccer games (or whatever) and cheering him on from a healthy place. This won't be forever.
ReplyDeleteThank you for believing in me. Sometimes you need reminders from others, like from you sweet people.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're still holding strong!!
ReplyDeletetake care...
-Lisa